I live in a very poor Asian country where most every parent has never given a single thought to behavior theory or been exposed to the whole parenting industry. It's mostly just feed your kid, let them run around unsupervised with other kids outside, and have the oldest child handle certain responsibilities like getting everybody to school on time. Having worked with kids back in the US and here, the contrast in behavioral problems and social anxiety is so markedly different that it's definitely shaped the way I'll parent my own children. The kids here are much less needy and so much more confident and independent, whereas I can barely spend two minutes around a western kid without getting royally annoyed. My own parents were very hands-off and I plan to be even more so.
I have to agree here. I lived in a tiny village in Laos for 4 months a few years back, and I have to say, the six year-olds were more mature, independent, and emotionally sophisticated than some 16 year-olds I knew back home.
Favorite slightly-related story: while teaching a class of 8 year-olds one day, a student in the back opened up his desk, and pulled out a machete. My heart stopped for a beat. He then proceeded to sharpen his pencil with the machete, then place it back in his desk.
Man, I miss Laos.
Anyways, the North American trend to never leave your kids unattended really seems to have stifled their independence and ability to strive on their own, and it's so evident when you travel to some developing countries.
I live in Cambodia going on about 4 years now. I almost said the exact same thing in my post, that the 6 year olds in my alley act pretty much like little adults. You see them buying things from the market, helping their parents, socializing with kids twice their age, etc. They almost never fight or cry, and if they do there's no parent rushing over to console them unless it's something serious. But, parents here are still very compassionate and work extremely hard toward giving their children a good future.
One of my favorite stories actually comes from my wife. Early on in our relationship she told me that as a kid her favorite thing to do was to pretend to be a cook. I assumed this meant that she had some toy cookware, something like the equivalent of a kid's tea party. But, as I inquired more, she explained that her play cooking involved sneaking off with her mom's knives and pans, buying a few vegetables from nearby sellers, starting a fire in one of those little firepots that are common here, and sometimes even going to the local pond to catch a fish! It's no wonder that she's a good cook now and also I think it's part of the reason she's been extremely successful professionally despite a lot of adversity.
You know one thing poor asian countries don't have? Laws, HOAs, enforcement of those laws, and child protective services. See what happens in the US when you leave your underage kids unattended in a $public_location in a well-to-do-upscale neighborhood.
> Favorite slightly-related story: while teaching a class of 8 year-olds one day, a student in the back opened up his desk, and pulled out a machete. My heart stopped for a beat. He then proceeded to sharpen his pencil with the machete, then place it back in his desk.
Haha. We did this all the time. Well, not with machetes, but what ten-year-old rural boy doesn't carry a pocket knife or a leatherman?
In high-school, the only concession to the no-weapons-on-campus policy was that if we were going hunting before or after school, you had to park in the lot across the street, so that your rifle or shotgun wasn't technically on-premises. My father remembers going to elementary school with his friends and they just locked up their 30-30s in their lockers, and would go do a quick deer drive at noon recess.
That's great and all, but is it possible that extended "childhood" is essential for being better adjusted in the western world? I wonder how many machete wielding 8 year olds grow up to be competitive in university.
To the parent poster's credit, I think there there might be something to it, the kid is busy learning, and perhaps if he/she is spending all day learning social/environmental survival skills instead of learning academics, they are going to be less equipped to handle a 15 year carer of school. than the "western" kid.
All these kids go to school too (though here it's still only 4 hours a day, which I am envious of) and from tutoring a number of them in English I can attest to the fact that the kids in my neighborhood are very 'book smart' too. It might surprise people not from here, but nowadays everybody in Phnom Penh has tablets and smart phones and they spend a lot of time on those learning. Intellectually they're more than capable enough to succeed in higher academics, but financial difficulties may limit some of them.
I really dislike how American behavior is always equated with western. The US is just one part of the west. I think many of us in Europe have the exact same view on Americans and how they raise their kids. I am a Norwegian married to an American and I got to say American parenting seems claustrophobic and paranoid to me.
American kids are under tight and organized control all the time. They got their playdates, piano playing, soccer practice, etc. Their parents are driving them everywhere to all sorts of activities. These kids never seem to have a life of their own.
There are of course huge differences in Europe in how kids are raised. But at least in Norway kids tend to allowed to roam a lot more freely. It is more normal to walk to school yourself or be outside by yourself. Parents tend to not arrange playdates. They go over to each others house themselves. And a lot more of their day isn't organized in any way.
I saw this when studying at college in the US. American college students were a lot more immature than European college students IMHO. They seemed unaccustomed to having this much freedom, and not having parents looking the over the shoulder all the time. American college also felt very nanny like. A lot of rules and regulations as if you are still a child.
It is rather ironic that in the land of individualism and freedom, there is so much control and regulation on peoples lives. I think Americans have mistaken economic freedom for personal freedom.
> I really dislike how American behavior is always equated with western.
Sorry about that. I tend to lump Westerners together because as a whole they do have so much more in common with each other than they do with Cambodians, and I've been here for a while now and don't really socialize with many non-Cambodians. Except for speaking in English typically with my wife (who is Cambodian) I speak more in Khmer than I do English, so it's pretty easy for me to get into the mentality of grouping all Westerners together unfairly (especially because here they tend to share other traits like being tourists, teachers, or NGO workers). But, my bad! I realize that the hover-parenting phenomenon is far, far worse in the US than in Europe.
And as you said the college experience in the US does involve a lot of hovering and nannying, hence my repeated near expulsion! Long story short, but the sole reason I was not expelled involved successfully hiding under a bed.
> It is rather ironic that in the land of individualism and freedom, there is so much control and regulation on peoples lives. I think Americans have mistaken economic freedom for personal freedom.
Americans are just delusional and most have no conception of what freedom really is. In my home state they can't even buy a beer on a Sunday, to give a sort of trivial but emblematic example. Too much propaganda rots the brain :)
Don't lump all the West together. I feel the same when I travel from Norway to the UK. Even my children were astonished at how childish children were in the UK.
It's interesting that in rich Asian countries like Japan, Korea, Singapore, the stereotype is of Tiger Moms whose parenting attitude is the polar opposite of what you describe.
Perhaps taking a hands-off approach is more likely to result in well-adjusted, independent children AND children who learn and earn less.
First, the whole "tiger mom" thing is not universal. And more to the point, does not mean the sort of constant monitoring like in the US. In Korea and Japan (don't know about Singapore), independence in young children is highly valued. Many grade schools in Japan, for example, require that children go to school on their own. At six years old, they walk, take the subway, etc. Parents routinely send six, seven or eight year olds out alone on errands.
